tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post7619471599761863054..comments2023-10-30T08:00:54.059-04:00Comments on Laurel's Leaves: Moving forward in the face of criticismLaurel Garverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-85647503935040441022013-02-04T10:50:34.795-05:002013-02-04T10:50:34.795-05:00Glad it helped you get some perspective. Rejection...Glad it helped you get some perspective. Rejections can really shake your confidence. Sometimes it's this other nebulous thing leading to rejections--"the market" and how well an agent thinks something will sell. Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-53946365797582145172013-02-01T16:31:40.194-05:002013-02-01T16:31:40.194-05:00I usually take critiques pretty well. In the begin...I usually take critiques pretty well. In the beginning, I took them more personally and took it as a sign I had no right to write. Now I am suspect if I don't get too many comments. I want others to point out what I'm missing.<br /><br />Rejections bother me more now. Then I reevaluate: is it my query, my writing, me? But usually the melancholy is short lived. <br /><br />As you know, this was the perfect post for me today. Thanks!Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-81187006961251098832013-02-01T09:44:49.961-05:002013-02-01T09:44:49.961-05:00I agree. Because we can often get into some really...I agree. Because we can often get into some really neurotic territory with outside validation, thinking "they're just being nice" or "everyone is out to get me." Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-11781055382133217722013-01-31T15:48:38.019-05:002013-01-31T15:48:38.019-05:00I love this. One of my favorite videos is by Eliza...I love this. One of my favorite videos is by Elizabeth Gilbert, called "Keep Showing Up". Over the years, I have to keep learning over and over how important it is to self-validate rather than relying on others to validate us. That never leads anywhere productive.Michelle D. Argylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09696465137285587646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-17493705465177059812013-01-31T13:14:45.923-05:002013-01-31T13:14:45.923-05:00It's good you're aware of the power others...It's good you're aware of the power others' words have over you. I wish Pressfield gave more guidance on exactly HOW one can become "tough-minded." By that I think he means driven by inside motivation rather than external approval. I see some self-help gurus toss around the term "approval addiction" and have some guidance on overcoming it. So there's that.Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-62150960739966654522013-01-31T13:05:56.465-05:002013-01-31T13:05:56.465-05:00A good idea, I think. That's pretty much what ...A good idea, I think. That's pretty much what Pressfield is advocating too. Weighing crits with a cool head, not having a knee-jerk reaction.Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-51246069275993726462013-01-31T13:04:45.177-05:002013-01-31T13:04:45.177-05:00The funny thing about critique relationships is th...The funny thing about critique relationships is that as everyone develops, the crits can end up going deeper over time. Remember that they are developing as readers just as you are developing as a writer. The net result should be your strongest work yet, if you can keep in perspective that their skills as editors are growing too. What Pressfield said about assessing our work coldly is helpful. If you find yourself getting emotional about a critique, put it down. Go back when you can evaluate the remarks coolly.Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-82320831413225047802013-01-30T20:03:04.471-05:002013-01-30T20:03:04.471-05:00I definitely struggle with this, and sometime I ge...I definitely struggle with this, and sometime I get crushed without considering if there is any truth to the critter's comments. This is why I won't check the reviews when it comes time to publish my books. It's not worth it, especially when it's too late to change anything. I don't believe in republishing a book after reader feedback. That should have been done with real beta readers. :)Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-30494438727742740602013-01-30T13:12:05.943-05:002013-01-30T13:12:05.943-05:00All the time, but then I have to stand back and se...All the time, but then I have to stand back and see if their is any truth to it, if not then I move on.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11622191037152999869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-48419197477397321602013-01-30T09:38:36.785-05:002013-01-30T09:38:36.785-05:00Funny, I just went through this with my crit partn...Funny, I just went through this with my crit partners on my last book. I thought this book was my best one yet. I tore it apart and put it back together twice of my own accord because I just didn't like where it headed. <br /><br />When my critters got a hold of it, they both tore it to shreds, something that has never happened before. Yes, I get redline from both of them over various points in my stories, but this time, they both pounced on it as if they were tigers and the book was a baby gazelle alone in the jungle.<br /><br />You would think that after so much time together I would be used to the crits, but this time it hurt soooo much more. I don't know why, probably because I thought I had grown so much as a writer, and obviously they did not think the same thing.<br /><br />Needless to say, I applied their suggestions and NOW the book is the best it can be. I've learned to push through the self-doubt. Chocolate and Kleenex helps.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-25745250624750594992013-01-30T08:45:28.834-05:002013-01-30T08:45:28.834-05:00Absolutely one project does not define you or your...Absolutely one project does not define you or your career. The biggest piece of advice I can give before your book enters the world is to remember your identity is in being a beloved child of God. Whatever happens with the book, that central truth never changes. <br /><br />Wishing you well, and for peace as you release!Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-27732587191709464352013-01-30T08:42:50.880-05:002013-01-30T08:42:50.880-05:00You definitely would benefit from The War of Art, ...You definitely would benefit from The War of Art, then. Pressfield reframed my thinking about crushing self-criticism as in essence fear of internal change. Your old self fears who you might become and keeps you stuck. He takes an almost spiritual approach to overcoming it. He calls on his "muse" where I'd ask for Christ's spirit, but the need for divine help to overcome our penchant for doubt seems spot-on.Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-76301121603238449292013-01-30T08:39:25.785-05:002013-01-30T08:39:25.785-05:00I found Pressfield's picture of building towar...I found Pressfield's picture of building toward a future self really helpful in that respect. I remember learning to ride a bike, to read, to play an instrument and how just regularly plugging away DID yield good results. Knowing that critiques help, take them with thankfulness, I'd say. And keep on keeping on.Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-25936991476870574402013-01-29T20:41:11.386-05:002013-01-29T20:41:11.386-05:00I've struggled with it off and on lately. I th...I've struggled with it off and on lately. I think it's that right before the book comes out kind of jitters. I keep reminding myself that this is just the first of many and that's I'm not done when it's out and done. I really liked hearing an echo of that kind of thought in that quote. Tyrean Martinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15356604721537744361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-49820954014551825212013-01-29T14:15:23.530-05:002013-01-29T14:15:23.530-05:00Yes...struggling with it today. The funny thing is...Yes...struggling with it today. The funny thing is that my own self-criticism is much harsher and much harder to deal with than criticism from others.Faith E. Houghhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03823750019164801104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-38984550736672764622013-01-29T13:59:24.058-05:002013-01-29T13:59:24.058-05:00Definitely been there with the self-doubt. And it ...Definitely been there with the self-doubt. And it never totally leaves. I just try to keep writing because I really like to and not worry so much about the outcome. And try to look at it objectively and try to improve my work. Often the criticism is right on.Natalie Aguirrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03756087804171246660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-2722675246332724862013-01-29T11:55:14.412-05:002013-01-29T11:55:14.412-05:00Learning any new skills is going to involve some t...Learning any new skills is going to involve some trial and error; I think we're often impatient with ourselves and feel like failures instead of just normal learners when others suggest our work needs strengthening.Laurel Garverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657218435228802535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4263988256560129564.post-39906621508859981332013-01-29T11:04:59.122-05:002013-01-29T11:04:59.122-05:00All the time. I'm getting better but still hav...All the time. I'm getting better but still have moments. I would ask myself how did I make it through and stay strong.Christine Danekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00979611961825725350noreply@blogger.com