Advice for Wizards and Witches

by Abby Gabby, Ravenclaw

Dear Abby Gabby,
I’ve accidentally scheduled two dates with two boys for the same night! What do I do?
~Split in two from Slytherin

Dear Split,
Well, it’s no surprise to me a sneaky Slytherin would do something like that. Get yourself a time-turner so you can be in two places at once! There may be one available in the school, but you’ll have to find the bearer, which shouldn’t be too hard. Just check all the advanced classes and if you see the same student twice— that’ll be your girl.

***

Dear Abby Gabby,
Is there a way to guarantee I won’t eat a bogey flavored Bertie Bott’s bean?
~Snot-shy from Ravenclaw

Dear Snots,
Yes. Just offer Ron Weasley a few— he’s notorious for getting bogey flavored beans every time. Then you should be fine to eat the rest without getting a bogey one. Just watch out for the vomit flavored bean—usually orange-speckled pink. That one’s a doozie.

***

Dear Abby Gabby,
I really want the guy I like to win a spot on the Quidditch team, but my Gryffindor conscience is not letting me do anything sneaky. What do I do?
~Honorable from Gryffindor

Dear Goody Goody,
Unwad your panties and perform a Confundus charm on the competition. Live a little—you never know how fun it is until you try. Besides, you can use it as an excuse to practice your charms. You never know when you might need this spell in a real battle.

***

Dear Abby Gabby,
There is this girl I really like in my Potions class. But I’m too shy to approach her! What do I do?
~Nervous from Hufflepuff

Dear Nerves,
Brew yourself some Felix Felicis potion to give you the confidence to ask her out! It will need to stew for six months, however, so during that time practice your smile!

Word of warning: it may make you overconfident, so I’d get advice from some who has had experience with it like Harry Potter or Ron Weasley. (There is a rumor going around that Ron was tricked and did not actually consume the potion the day of his best-ever Quidditch match, so take his advice with a grain of salt.)

Thestral Gazette advice columnist Abby Gabby, a member of the Ravenclaw house, prefers to keep her true identity a secret (for the sake of her trusted advisees, of course). She loves divination, lending a shoulder to cry on, and quite possibly has the slightest crush on Professor Firenze. She blogs as her alter ego, Abby Minard at Above Water.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

See all the back issues at our archive site:
THESTRAL GAZETTE

How would you advise these Hogwarts students? Any new questions for Abby?

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Chaos theory

Taking a five-week hiatus from blogging didn't turn out quite like I'd expected, but it was just what I needed.

August turned weirdly chaotic, full of those mini-disasters that felt like I was living farcical chick lit or something. Seriously, an earthquake and a hurricane in the same week? In Pennsylvania? What was up with that? Even more fun, the day I dropped off my spouse to live on campus for a week to teach an intensive college-prep class, my daughter got violent stomach flu and was awake until 1:30 AM, unable to keep even water down. She nailed my oriental rug and five rental places had no available carpet shampooers--this two days before a house guest was due to arrive (and she was six hours late!). Spot cleaning and vanilla candles barely held the stench at bay until we could shampoo the rug--a week later. When my hubby came home from his program, he caught a different GI virus that lasted five days, including his birthday. The printer at work went kaput. I can't find my cell phone anywhere. All our pets got fleas, and the dog, a UTI. It won't stop raining and my daughter's schoolbus was 25 minutes late this morning and how come every other recycling can on the block was emptied but ours?

In the midst of this, small windows of writing time were a nice escape. In the back of my mind, I know I need to make some decisions about which writing project will take priority and how or if I'll proceed with the others. But today isn't the day.

Today I need some chocolate. And my cell phone. And something nice to happen for a change.

Have you ever had disasters cluster like this? Tell me your craziest stories!

Image source: Florida Center for Instructional Technology

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Mid-month report

Hello, friends. I hope you are all having a lovely August. As promised, I'm dropping in briefly to give an update on my hiatus happenings.

My lovely alpha reader, who has cheered me on endlessly through book one, sent me a good, old-fashioned letter, asking to see pages from book two. How could I say no to that? I spent a week cleaning up the first six chapters (can't say how many times I changed chapter breaks), printed them and mailed them to her at the camp where she's a counselor.

I gave myself the goal of repairing and finishing chapters 7 and 8 by mid-month. I finished that up last night. I'll put those in my alpha's hands when she returns from Maine.

Some things I learned while on the road last week:

~Weak coffee is the bane of my existence.

~I do my best drafting in longhand.

~Preparation is everything. Before leaving home, I had organized a notebook with printed pages of the draft, my novel "bible," plot notes and drafting spiral-bounds. At quiet moments, I could review and add brainstorming notes.

~Asking for blocks of time away from the family to just write does wonders for my morale. A quiet museum cafeteria was my most productive venue.

~Staring out car windows at nice scenery is good for the subconscious mind to do its mysterious work.

~Understanding character motivations and desires is so foundational. Spend time freewriting about each character's psychology and scene ideas will come to you fast and furious.

Have you ever taken your writing on the road? What did you get out of it?

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Parting is such sweet sorrow

The last lazy, hazy days of summer are here and what better time for the muse to arrive with a shiny new idea requiring tons of research AND an insight that has unstuck a shelved project? While the ideas are flowing well, it seems a good time to take a break from blogging. I plan to check in a few times in August--a mid-month (8/15) and month-end (8/31) report.

This hiatus means that I won't be editing new editions of the fan fiction Hogwarts underground newspaper Thestral Gazette until September. If you're hankering for Harry Potter fun, do check out the newspaper's archive site: THESTRAL GAZETTE. We have three months' worth of hilarious weekly posts available for your reading pleasure.

I'll be checking in regularly on Facebook, so if you haven't yet friended me, please do. I believe that clicking my Facebook badge on the right will facilitate the connection.

Happy August!

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Special Summer Edition: Attention DA Members and Friends of Harry Potter—Four days and counting

by Michael Di Gesu, Ravenclaw

LONDON - All week, O.W.L. results have been delivered over Great Britain to soon-to-be sixth years who waited with nerves bordering on a breakdown. Parents twitched anxious fingers over wands ready to hex their kids if they pestered them about any special owl deliveries ... my mum included.

Even with Umbridge and her tyrannical ways overpowered, most fifth years didn’t receive proper Defense Against the Dark Arts training and therefore many failed. Only a few of us (you know who you are) passed this course with an Exceeds Expectation or the coveted Outstanding. We had help from a very special person indeed.

Speaking of this special person, a new name for THE BOY WHO LIVED is on the lips of wizards young and old. Could Harry Potter really be THE CHOSEN ONE? This investigative reporter will dig deep to uncover every clue to see if the rumors are true. (Plus it doesn’t hurt to be in his inner circle.)

Last night, a snowy owl pecked at my window. It was none other than Hedwig, Harry Potter’s personal owl. What could THE CHOSEN ONE want from me? Could these be the answers to the questions I ran by him before term ended? Fat chance, he threatened to never speak to me again if I printed anything about him. But surely, he wouldn’t. Or would he? His mood swings lately would try anyone’s patience. But now that Umbridge is back in the Ministry and out of our hair, he should be more himself.

To my shock, the message wasn’t anything worth printing...just an invitation to the Burrow from Ron Weasley.

But wait! There was something in that scribble--the date, July 31. Four days from now, Harry Potter turns sixteen!

Let’s make this his most unforgettable birthday! Let’s give THE BOY WHO LIVED the best surprise party ever. Let’s honor him for all that he has done for us. After the tumultuous year we’ve all had, let’s get wild and show Harry how much we love him.

Write those letters, get those owls ready, and send Harry a cheery birthday message.

All you DA members, please get in touch with Fred and George Weasley before crashing this event. If anyone two people know how to crash anything, they do. Harry won’t expect a thing. Imagine his face as all of us DA members grin at him while hundreds of owls carry in warm wishes.

So don’t forget, blast those calendars with memory dust for Mon., July 31!

Four days and counting!

Michael Di Gesu is the Thestral Gazette’s investigative reporter. If you have anything to hide, he will sniff it out. When he’s not digging up secrets and sordid affairs, you’ll find him on the Quidditch pitch with friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Terrified of flying himself, he’s yet to take flight with his buddies. Harry’s still working on it. “Someday I’ll get him on a broom!” Michael blogs at: http://writing-art-and-design.blogspot.com/.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

See all the back issues at our archive site:
THESTRAL GAZETTE

How will you help make Harry's special day even more wonderful?

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Query hate/query love

How is your summer going, friends? I am having a great time researching a shiny new idea while simultaneously having a not-so-great time revising marketing materials for a finished book.

After a long chat with a CP who encouraged me to start my query from scratch, I realized something. I've been channeling my frustrations with query letter writing into how I conceive of my character. This is a very bad thing. One's query should always convey a sense of excitement about the project. Yet the more drafts I wrote, the more judgmental of my MC they sound.

I had a long talk with my girl this morning. I apologized to her for losing the love, for not listening with a truly sympathetic ear. Answers to common query questions--What does she want? What must she do to get it? What's in the way? What happens if she can't get it?--must come from within her and her story. She is what makes the story have heart, not my (stumbling) attempts to cleverly describe it.

Writing from a place of love isn't just for the book itself--it's for everything surrounding it, queries and synopses included. If you find yourself genuinely perplexed about the marketing end, it's time to get back to the basics and love your characters and their world.

Have you dealt with query/synopsis struggles? What helped?

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Special Report from Hogwarts Florida Campus

by Lisa Galek, Ravenclaw

ORLANDO--Ever wish tank tops were part of the Hogwarts dress code? Do you long for ocean-side Potion lessons? Been dying to use that sunblock spell you learned last year? Then consider taking a summer class at Hogwarts esteemed American campus located in sunny Orlando, Florida! This reporter was lucky enough to be part of a wizarding convention there last week and has the full scoop for you on all the classes, shopping, and extracurriculars.

The first thing you’ll see when you arrive is a replica of our beloved Hogsmeade. You’ll be amazed at how close these American wizards have come to our own village. You’ll feel right as home as you take a stroll past the shops, buy a butterbeer in the street (I recommend the frozen variety), or enjoy a song performed by the frog choir. They have a branch of Zonko’s selling all kinds of magical mischief. There’s Honeydukes, too (watch out for the chocolate frogs – they not only hop fast, they melt fast). You can pop into Ollivanders to watch one lucky witch or wizard choose their very own wand. Or you can buy some quality Quidditch supplies at Dervish and Banges. If you want to write home to all your friends, stop at the owl post. There your letters will be postmarked from Hogsmeade, so everyone will know how you’ve been spending your summer.

Make sure you leave room for lunch, too! You can stop into the Three Broomsticks where house-elves are cooking up delicious British cuisine. It will run you a few Galleons, but it’s definitely worth it. Be sure to check out the Hog’s Head next door, as well. The barmen are very friendly, but the hog behind the bar has been known to grunt at patrons from time to time.

On the way up to the castle, you can stop for a quick ride with Buckbeak on Flight of the Hippogriff (approach with caution though… my hippogriff went soaring all over the place once I boarded!). For the especially brave, you can even race a Hungarian Horntail or Chinese Fireball on the Dragon Challenge. I chose the Horntail and I’m very pleased to say that I won… and survived.

Hogwarts castle is truly spectacular. As you walk through, you can chat with the portraits, get a peek into the Headmaster’s office, and even see some famous Gryffindor alumni in the common room. In the heart of the castle is Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. It’s a remarkable adventure… if you’re feeling up to chasing a dragon through the grounds. Watch out for the dementors (I had stowed my wand before getting on board, so I couldn’t even cast my patronus!) and spiders (I clamped my eyes shut the entire time we were in Aragog’s lair. One run in with a giant spider is quite enough for me). Oh, and one more warning – the ride feels a bit like disapparating for the first time. I had to sit down for a short while after I left the castle… but I soon recovered and, luckily, didn’t end up looking like the victim of a bad Puking Pastille.

The only real problem I had with the Florida campus is that they let Muggles in! Of course, the little dears can’t register for classes, but you’ll catch them aimlessly waving wands in the streets and gawking in the shop windows everywhere you look (it’s like they’ve never seen a mandrake before!). And the place is constantly jam-packed. Some would say this is excellent for promotion of cooperation between magical and non-magical peoples, but I doubt those people have ever had the hem of their brand new robes trampled on by a group of wide-eyed Muggle tourists.

All in all, a visit to Hogwarts’ Florida campus makes a fantastic summer holiday. My only question is: Do they accept transfer students?

Lisa Galek is the Thestral Gazette’s adventurous travel reporter. She spends her days up in Ravenclaw tower plotting trips with the help of Charles, her enchanted talking atlas. When she’s not busy seeing the world via broomstick, she blogs at Read. Write. Repeat.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

See all the back issues at our archive site:
THESTRAL GAZETTE

Which part of Florida campus appeals to you most?

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