Thursday, September 22

Posted by Laurel Garver on Thursday, September 22, 2011 11 comments
By Melissa Sarno, Hufflepuff

Honeywater Press announces the release of WHO AM I by award-winning author Gilderoy Lockhart.

The 1,045 page book hits shelves on September 23rd and features the psychological musings of the man who accidentally erased his own memory. One of the few permanent residents of St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, Lockhart uses the book to reflect on who he is, who he was, and, even, who he might become.

“We took a risk,” says Ebenezer Coolidge, a representative from Honeywater. “We want readers to open this book and find a new Lockhart. A little less refined. A little more undone.”

But early reviews of the book have not been kind.

Popular book blogger Winnifried Littlewock calls it “a nonsensical, babbling mess,” and goes on to say, “I’m not even sure [Lockhart] knows what the question is. Never mind the answer.”

According to a small group of existentialists at the Magical Who Institute, however, that kind of ambiguity is what makes the work so appealing. “We are all walking around asking the same question of ourselves. The fact that Lockhart never quite gets to an answer is refreshing.”

And many others are rallying for Lockhart, pleased that Honeywater Press took the author under its wing when none of the other big houses were willing. “I’m not going to read it or anything,” says one fan. “But I like that it’s out there.”

“We’re not expecting a huge crowd tomorrow,” says the owner of Flourish and Blotts Bookseller, where, years earlier, people were lined up around the block to get to a Lockhart signing. “But, hey, we’ll serve some Nettle Wine. Maybe that will lead to some sales.”

Melissa Sarno is Thestral Gazette’s celebrity reporter and co-president of the Herbology Club. When she’s not up to her ankles in mooncalf dung, you can find her accompanying the Frog Choir on harpsichord or writing Witch Lit in the Hogwarts Library. She blogs at

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

See all the back issues at our archive site:

Can this doomed book launch be saved? What creative ways would you market if you were on Lockhart's promotions team?


  1. I suppose there's always bribery. Not sure what the best currency to bribe with is, though.

  2. I'm telling you, force-feeding people wine is the best promotional tool. ;) Thanks for hosting me Laurel!

  3. I love it when the fan says he's "not going to read it or anything." :) Great reporting!

  4. Angela: Assuming Lockhart lost only his memory and not his looks, he can always fall back on autographed photos, being voted "most charming smile" after all.

  5. Melissa: the better the vintage, the more will come! Thanks for your superb reporting!

  6. Love it! It looks like it was a lot of fun.

  7. Great job, Melissa! I'm thinking maybe some sort of novelty would work well with this book...Like a pen that writes in invisible ink?

  8. Jenny: thanks for coming by and following. These Thestral Gazette fanfic "news" pieces go up every other week. Check out our archive site for more laughs! :-)

    Stephsco: Melissa's writing is just what a happy editor wants--clear and snappily witty! Thanks for coming by!

  9. GE: I get the sense Melissa's article is far better than Lockhart's book itself. :-)

    Sharon: Thanks for coming by and following. I like your idea for swag. I think Lockhart will have an uphill climb selling this one. His other titles were so much more zippy. My faves are _Gadding with Ghouls_ and _A Year with the Yeti_.