Being Bullied? Weasel Your Way Out

By Jen Daiker, Hufflepuff

HOGSMEDE, INVERNESS—Are you sick of being your classmates’ guinea pig for jelly-legs jinxes and levicorpus spells? Before you beg your parents to transfer you to Beauxbatons, take heart. Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes is now beta testing a product sure to delight.

We'll Watch Your Back map (WWYB) tracks the movement of any Hogwarts students you wish to avoid. WWYB will give you the power to navigate Hogwarts safely and calmly. Better yet, you can achieve this safety without involving Hogwarts staff, freeing you from the fear of reprisals for ratting out your tormentors.

Headmistress Minerva McGonagall had only positive things to say about the product.

"Though I try to restrict certain Weasley products from the school grounds, I can't help but applaud this new item that will surely help the students feel more at home. We are aware that not everything can be solved with magic or even be brought to our attention. For those students who feel mistreated, this product will allow them to steer clear of trouble before it starts with privacy and minimal fuss. However, I would implore those targeted by bullies to also consider stopping by my office for additional support."

The Weasley twins aren’t looking to put the WWYB map in the wrong hands, so all students wishing to have a customized WWYB map created for them will undergo private testing to ensure that they truly are being bullied. Interested students are welcome to try out this new product. To sign up for the free trial period, simply stop by Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, 93 Diagon Alley, London, or send your request via owlpost.

Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes continues to grow as new products are constantly being introduced. WWYB should prove a great addition to the lineup that includes Puking Pastilles to aid your escape from exams and those adorable Pygmy Puffs, everyone’s favorite pet alternative.

What will they think of next? Only time will tell. If there’s a product you wish the Weasleys to develop, please stop in and share your ideas today.

Jen Daiker loves transfiguration, fizzing whizbees, and is a founding member of S.P.E.W. She has also been known to dabble with polyjuice potion. She blogs at unedited.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

What products would you like Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes to develop?

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Emotions whirl

We know that complex characters are what readers love most--people who feel real because of inner conflict and mixed emotion. It can be quite tricky to do that well and not end up with a confusing mess.

I've been revisiting Nancy Kress's Characters, Emotions and Viewpoint for some additional guidance to help clear away muddiness in my draft in process. One of the coolest tools she has is an "Emotional Mini-bio." I won't reproduce the whole thing, of course. (I'd rather tease you into buying the book, dedicated Kress fan that I am.) The two initial questions are such good fundamentals, however, I want to share. I think they could form the backbone of every solid character sketch.

What three or four things does your character value most in life?

What things does s/he most fear?

Having these core values and fears firmly in hand will help you predict how a character will feel and react in most situations.

You will get some of your most interesting plot complications from situations where two core values or core fears are in competition.

How might clarifying values and fears help your characterization?

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Give me patience now!

Waiting. It's a huge piece of what it is to be human. We wait for the weather to change. We wait for payday or that insurance reimbursement. We wait for decisions to be made, calls to be returned, packages to arrive and all sorts of mundane things that somehow just don't happen instantly.

Writing has its own set of waiting hurdles. We wait for our skill level to improve. We wait for the perfect character name to dawn on us. We wait for the shiny new idea. We wait for solutions to plot holes to occur to us. We wait for critique partners to give feedback. We wait for our market savvy to increase. We wait for agents, editors, reviewers, royalty statements, etc., etc., etc.

My faith tradition ties waiting to one of the "abiding things" along with faith and love: hope. "If we hope for what we do not have," says Romans 8:25, "we wait for it patiently."

Personally, I struggle a lot with hope. It's a heck of a lot easier to despair. No real effort or waiting required. Indeed despair can be yours right now with no wait! Not much of a selling point though, is it? Anyway, I've come to grasp the fact that waiting in a state of hopelessness is actually a kind of impatience--one that immobilizes.

We tend to think of patience as a very passive virtue that requires idle serenity. But the serenity that comes from patience is actually quite active. The patient mind works hard hoping. It refuses to moan or flail around. It keeps a steady routine and doesn't lose sight of the thing hoped for. Patience is diligent (not slothful), continuing to find places to progress during times of waiting.

Let's encourage one another to take up the tools of patience when we're on this wait-filled journey. Here are some I can think of:

~limit "stalking" behaviors online (those aimless hops from post to tweet to status without ever interacting); instead use social media to meet friends and encourage others. Take social media breaks when necessary.

~limit slothful habits (TV, video games and the like); instead produce pages of something every day--drafts, research, notes and outlines, wordplay, journal entries.

~experiment with a new technique, genre, style, POV, verb tense.

~focus on learning--study craft books, attend seminars, research new ideas.

~critique others' work and learn from them.

~read widely and make notes about what other authors do that you can emulate.

I could go on an on about all the active ways to wait--there are so many! The key ingredients are progressing toward a goal because you believe with hope that something good will eventually come of it.

What impatient habits or "habits of despair" do you struggle with? What habits of hopeful patience might you try?

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An addictive question

Thanks to Dr. Lydia Kang for featuring my question in her weekly post "Medical Mondays." I have a secondary character with a history of drug abuse and had wondered how that might continue to effect his health and mental state after four years of being clean.

You can read all about the long-term effects of prior heroin addiction in Lydia's post, "Heroin today, problems tomorrow." Pretty interesting stuff--good fodder for potential plot complications in my current manuscript.

Have you dealt with medical questions in researching your manuscript? Where did you seek advice?

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Mrs. Norris's secret identity revealed

by Laurel Garver, Ravenclaw

HOGSMEDE, INVERNESS--Student concerns about the Filch/Norris relationship first surfaced when the school caretaker suffered a breakdown after his feline companion Mrs. Norris was left petrified. Though the attack was later confirmed to be the work of a basilisk, students whispered among themselves: “Why such a fuss over a silly cat?”

Why indeed is the long-haired tabby always close to Mr. Flich’s heels? And why the very human name?

Sources close to the pureblood Norris family now confirm the shocking truth: the feline stalking the halls of Hogwarts was in fact once named Clothilde Katz, a Durmstrang graduate and former undersecretary to the Minister of Magical Animal Welfare.

Katz met her late husband Archibald Norris at a Ministry of Magic holiday party. There, witnesses say, Mr. Norris conjured an entire thicket of mistletoe in which he privately wooed the young Miss Katz, a great beauty fifteen years his junior. Within six months, Katz and Norris wed in Durmstrang’s famed Gothic chapel, honeymooned in the Alps and settled in Ottery St. Catchpole.

A broomstick collision claimed Archie Norris’s life less than a year later, leaving his widowed bride heartbroken. The neighboring Filch family soon took her under their wing, frequently inviting her to join them for meals and conversation. It is also believed that they hired Mrs. Norris to provide private tutoring to their then-teenaged son, Argus.

Why tutoring? Ottery St. Catchpole resident Thomas Peepington explained, “Start of every term, them Filches all pretends like Argie gone to King’s Cross with the rest of the Hogwarts lot. Ah, but don’t I see ‘im plain as you please practicing stunning spells with the pretty young widow in ‘er back garden? He ain’t never got no letter from Hogwarts, did he? We always says Argie’s naught but a common squib.”

Clothilde Katz Norris was last seen in human form leaving the Ministry of Magic offices to respond to an emergency call for the Ministry of Magical Animal Welfare. According to the Ministry logbook, she was sent to investigate an illegal cerberus-fighting ring. And she was not alone. An unnamed “assistant” was also logged as accompanying her, via the Floo network, to the alleged fight-ring site.

Newspapers of the time claim that upon arriving at the scene, Mrs. Norris was vaporized by an unknown dark-magic curse. A quiet, corpse-less funeral was held and the Norris estate divvied out among Archie Norris’s surviving nephews. Soon after, Argus Filch left Ottery St. Catchpole to join Hogwarts staff as caretaker. He was accompanied by a handsome tabby he claimed to have “named after” his slain neighbor.

Our investigation has led us to new evidence that Clothilde Katz Norris did not in fact die on that fated emergency call. She was instead transfigured with a spell so powerful, no counter-curse is known. Seventh-year Slytherin Piers Whithin, who took a first in the legilimency O.W.L., earned five double-detentions with Mr. Filch in order to ascertain the whole truth.

According to memories expertly pried by Piers, Mr. Filch had purchased a black-market wand from Lichtenstein when none of Ollivander’s wands would choose him. Upon arriving at the site of the supposed cerberus-fighting ring, Filch turned the wand on his pretty tutor and spoke a spell he believed was a love-enchantment. Instead, Mrs. Norris was fixed in feline form. Mr. Filch sought help from Professor Dumbledore, who thought it best to offer Mr. Filch asylum at Hogwarts and hush up the entire incident.

"They're together forever all right," Piers said. "Just not the way the poor sod had been wishing."

--

Laurel Garver is Thestral Gazette's editor-in-chief and communications secretary for S.P.E.W. She sings in Hogwarts choir, dabbles in Mermish poetry and tirelessly campaigns for an intramural Pegasus polo team.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

Who else at Hogwarts do you suspect is not who he or she seems to be?

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Coming soon: magical news

My Friday Fun posts will be taking a magical turn beginning this week. That's right, I'm launching at last the Thestral Gazette!



Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, this publication continues the fine tabloid tradition of yellow journalism, revealing the dark underbelly of Hogwarts. Harry Potter fans, plan to be shocked and amazed (or at least amused)!

My stable of crack reporters will bring you all the news that's fit to, um, post. Our inaugural issue features a stunning expose revealing the true identity of that Hogwarts nemesis of all somnambulists, Mrs. Norris.

You might say it's a blogfest idea that has taken on a life of its own. You can read more about the concept HERE.

New articles will go up each Friday through July, and possibly beyond. If you're interested in joining the reporting team and doing a guest post in July or August, drop me a line at laurels (dot) leaves (at) gmail (dot) com.

Be sure to stop back tomorrow when the stunning fun commences!

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Ritual: it's what's for dinner

One of the most interesting things about staying at friends' houses was discovering just how differently their families approached the evening meal.

My family always ate around 6 p.m. It was a sit-down affair that began with my dad's meandering grace, and usually included two or even three vegetable sides with a casserole or meat and a starch. Hot tea was served nine months of the year. One was expected to have a "no-thank-you-helping" of any newly introduced food that looked unappetizing (a ritual that got easier once I learned to swallow things whole, like you would an aspirin).

We were expected to eat with a napkin in our laps, pass food in a clockwise direction and ask to be excused from the table after eating a portion of everything served, especially the prescribed number of vegetables. Conversation around the table was usually stories about our day, something strange we witnessed, or something interesting read about or heard. Sometimes my parents would share funny stories about family misadventures or their own childhoods. If my parents needed to make a major decision, the dinner table was not the place they'd discuss it.

At my friends' homes, however, dinner was sometimes a quite different affair. Some families ate catch-as-catch-can. Got takeout. Ate on tray tables in front of the TV. Some moms served as short-order cook for all three of the kids. Some families served buffet style. Some plated up portions like at a restaurant. Some sang a grace before meals. Some had silent head-bowed personal prayer. Some dove for the food with no thanks given at all.

Those rituals shape every person and family in deep ways. Here are some details to ask about your character's family dinner rituals:

Who prepares the food?
A parent? The family as a group? An extended family member? A live-in staff person? Faceless people from room service or Burger King's drive through? A handful of restaurants the character frequently patronizes?

Where is the food consumed?
In an eat-in kitchen? A formal dining room? An informal dining room? Kneeling around a low table in a common room? On a breezy porch? On tables in front of the TV? In whatever room the person carries his plate to?

What food items are considered appropriate?
Is there ethnic sameness or diversity in the types of cuisine? Is a special, restrictive diet followed? Is the food ultra-healthy, middling or complete junk food? Are portions large or small?

Who partakes of the meal?
Is everyone in the household seated together? Are certain household members excluded, such as staff or children or all females? Are pets allowed near or even seated at the table?

What behavior is considered appropriate?
Must you wait for everyone to be seated? May you leave as soon as you're finished? How is food served to each person? Is there a pre- or post-meal ritual such as prayer or candle-lighting? Is eating with hands expected or forbidden? How are spills and slurps and burps handled?

How do those around the table interact?
Must silence be maintained? Do only the elders initiate conversation? Do multiple conversations go on at once? Are all persons seated expected to take a turn talking while everyone else listens? Does everyone self-entertain with books or gadgets or the TV?

Thinking about dinnertime rituals can help you better understand--and better illustrate--the values of your characters and their families.

Is your protagonist's family dinner ritual the same as your own or different? Why?

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