Friday, May 6

Posted by Laurel Garver on Friday, May 06, 2011 14 comments
by Laurel Garver, Ravenclaw

HOGSMEDE, INVERNESS--Student concerns about the Filch/Norris relationship first surfaced when the school caretaker suffered a breakdown after his feline companion Mrs. Norris was left petrified. Though the attack was later confirmed to be the work of a basilisk, students whispered among themselves: “Why such a fuss over a silly cat?”

Why indeed is the long-haired tabby always close to Mr. Flich’s heels? And why the very human name?

Sources close to the pureblood Norris family now confirm the shocking truth: the feline stalking the halls of Hogwarts was in fact once named Clothilde Katz, a Durmstrang graduate and former undersecretary to the Minister of Magical Animal Welfare.

Katz met her late husband Archibald Norris at a Ministry of Magic holiday party. There, witnesses say, Mr. Norris conjured an entire thicket of mistletoe in which he privately wooed the young Miss Katz, a great beauty fifteen years his junior. Within six months, Katz and Norris wed in Durmstrang’s famed Gothic chapel, honeymooned in the Alps and settled in Ottery St. Catchpole.

A broomstick collision claimed Archie Norris’s life less than a year later, leaving his widowed bride heartbroken. The neighboring Filch family soon took her under their wing, frequently inviting her to join them for meals and conversation. It is also believed that they hired Mrs. Norris to provide private tutoring to their then-teenaged son, Argus.

Why tutoring? Ottery St. Catchpole resident Thomas Peepington explained, “Start of every term, them Filches all pretends like Argie gone to King’s Cross with the rest of the Hogwarts lot. Ah, but don’t I see ‘im plain as you please practicing stunning spells with the pretty young widow in ‘er back garden? He ain’t never got no letter from Hogwarts, did he? We always says Argie’s naught but a common squib.”

Clothilde Katz Norris was last seen in human form leaving the Ministry of Magic offices to respond to an emergency call for the Ministry of Magical Animal Welfare. According to the Ministry logbook, she was sent to investigate an illegal cerberus-fighting ring. And she was not alone. An unnamed “assistant” was also logged as accompanying her, via the Floo network, to the alleged fight-ring site.

Newspapers of the time claim that upon arriving at the scene, Mrs. Norris was vaporized by an unknown dark-magic curse. A quiet, corpse-less funeral was held and the Norris estate divvied out among Archie Norris’s surviving nephews. Soon after, Argus Filch left Ottery St. Catchpole to join Hogwarts staff as caretaker. He was accompanied by a handsome tabby he claimed to have “named after” his slain neighbor.

Our investigation has led us to new evidence that Clothilde Katz Norris did not in fact die on that fated emergency call. She was instead transfigured with a spell so powerful, no counter-curse is known. Seventh-year Slytherin Piers Whithin, who took a first in the legilimency O.W.L., earned five double-detentions with Mr. Filch in order to ascertain the whole truth.

According to memories expertly pried by Piers, Mr. Filch had purchased a black-market wand from Lichtenstein when none of Ollivander’s wands would choose him. Upon arriving at the site of the supposed cerberus-fighting ring, Filch turned the wand on his pretty tutor and spoke a spell he believed was a love-enchantment. Instead, Mrs. Norris was fixed in feline form. Mr. Filch sought help from Professor Dumbledore, who thought it best to offer Mr. Filch asylum at Hogwarts and hush up the entire incident.

"They're together forever all right," Piers said. "Just not the way the poor sod had been wishing."


Laurel Garver is Thestral Gazette's editor-in-chief and communications secretary for S.P.E.W. She sings in Hogwarts choir, dabbles in Mermish poetry and tirelessly campaigns for an intramural Pegasus polo team.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

Who else at Hogwarts do you suspect is not who he or she seems to be?


  1. How much fun Laurel! This is great! :) Though I have to say Mrs. Norris was one of my least liked characters. :)

  2. This is fantastic. I look forward to reading more.

  3. Ha! I love it!! I take it you made all this up? Genius! Bravo! :)

  4. Awesome! Now the mystery is finally revealed!

    Professor Vector (Arithmancy) and Professor Sinistra (Astronomy). Hermione always spoke very highly of Vector. Could something have been going on with them? We only hear about those profs in passing, so I'm sure they have mysterious backgrounds. Like maybe Sinistra is a vampire, hence teaching Astronomy since class must be held at midnight. ;)

  5. Oh, ya, fun stuff. Enjoy the creative journalism!

  6. Love this! :)

    Crookshanks sometimes acted like an Animagus--he seemed to know things that even a beyond-ordinary cat wouldn't.

  7. Laura: Mine too, which is why I was sure she must have a tragic past! :-)

    Anne: Stay tuned. Next week Jen Daiker is the featured TG reporter!

    PK: This is one of my first attempts at fan fiction. I like to trot out my journalism training now and again too. Glad you enjoyed it.

  8. Laura M: I think you are definitely on to something. Perhaps you'd like to investigate and report in July? I'll e-mail you. :-)

    Mary: It worked for Hearst back in the 1890s, right? Time to give Rita Skeeter a run for her money.

  9. GE: Hmm, that sounds like a story worth investigating. We're always looking for more reporters!

    Janet: Thanks. It was fun to work with Rowling's amazing universe and play around with the conventions of the tabloid press. What better character than Filch to be embittered by a forbidden love that goes horribly wrong. :-)

  10. What a fabulous post. Yes I agree Crookshanks has always struck me as being more than his character dveleoped into. :O)

  11. Congratulations, Laurel! Thanks for sharing this.

  12. Madeleine: Thanks. It was fun to write. And it sounds like I need to get a reporter out to investigate this Crookshanks character. What is Miss Granger hiding?? No doubt there is a bigger story behind his marmalade feline exterior!

    Karen: Hope you keep coming back for your weekly installment of more Harry Potter "news."

  13. HI, Laurel,

    I am so sorry I missed this post. I was packing and getting ready to leave Florida for home the next day. Now that I am back in mainstream chilly Chicago, I am catching up on all the news....

    I can't wait to submit my story to the Gazette.

    Hogwarts' student Michael DiGesu- Ravenclaw.