Friday, May 13, 2011

Posted by Laurel Garver on Friday, May 13, 2011 9 comments
By Jen Daiker, Hufflepuff

HOGSMEDE, INVERNESS—Are you sick of being your classmates’ guinea pig for jelly-legs jinxes and levicorpus spells? Before you beg your parents to transfer you to Beauxbatons, take heart. Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes is now beta testing a product sure to delight.

We'll Watch Your Back map (WWYB) tracks the movement of any Hogwarts students you wish to avoid. WWYB will give you the power to navigate Hogwarts safely and calmly. Better yet, you can achieve this safety without involving Hogwarts staff, freeing you from the fear of reprisals for ratting out your tormentors.

Headmistress Minerva McGonagall had only positive things to say about the product.

"Though I try to restrict certain Weasley products from the school grounds, I can't help but applaud this new item that will surely help the students feel more at home. We are aware that not everything can be solved with magic or even be brought to our attention. For those students who feel mistreated, this product will allow them to steer clear of trouble before it starts with privacy and minimal fuss. However, I would implore those targeted by bullies to also consider stopping by my office for additional support."

The Weasley twins aren’t looking to put the WWYB map in the wrong hands, so all students wishing to have a customized WWYB map created for them will undergo private testing to ensure that they truly are being bullied. Interested students are welcome to try out this new product. To sign up for the free trial period, simply stop by Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, 93 Diagon Alley, London, or send your request via owlpost.

Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes continues to grow as new products are constantly being introduced. WWYB should prove a great addition to the lineup that includes Puking Pastilles to aid your escape from exams and those adorable Pygmy Puffs, everyone’s favorite pet alternative.

What will they think of next? Only time will tell. If there’s a product you wish the Weasleys to develop, please stop in and share your ideas today.

Jen Daiker loves transfiguration, fizzing whizbees, and is a founding member of S.P.E.W. She has also been known to dabble with polyjuice potion. She blogs at unedited.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

What products would you like Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes to develop?

9 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, this is so much fun! My husband suggests "Pop goes the Weasel." I'm guessing this is something where you can conjure confiscated toys back from Filch. LOL

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  2. I'd have to live in that world to know exactly what I'd need. I applaude the inventivenes though. Too awesome.

    LOL, thanks Laurel. I truly enjoyed the magical moment.

    .....dhole

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  3. I had so much fun writing this and I can't wait to see the other entries that are in the works for weeks to come!!! Harry Potter is Magical :)

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  4. Wow! That was amazing Jen!! Great article! Awesome idea from both Jan and Laurel for this whole thing!

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  5. That was brilliant Jen! Seriously awesome. I was captivated the whole time and could hear it coming right from from those at Hogwarts. Yay for Hufflepuff :)

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  6. Sort of like a wizardly version of It Gets Better.... oddly comforting!

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  7. HI, Laurel,

    What a great article from Jen. Looks like the start of a great new publication.

    GREAT JOB JEN! What a fun and necessary new product.

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