Monday, May 16, 2011

Posted by Laurel Garver on Monday, May 16, 2011 24 comments
Thanks to Leigh T. Moore and Lydia Kang for hosting today's "Laughter is the Best Medicine" blogfest.

We all love bad metaphors and similes as much as...a cow loves yesterday's half-chewed grass sloshing from one stomach to another. Yes indeedy do.

Here are a few more genuine faux gems:

~Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

~It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

~His cover was blown like a man with a neat comb-over turning a windy corner.

~Her eyes were the mesmerizing green of a moldy cucumber liquefying in the vegetable drawer.

~It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

~ With each breath, her chest heaved like a bulimic after Thanksgiving dinner.

~He looked at her with the warmth of roadkill on an Arizona highway.

And for those who prefer jokes with punchlines:

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can
prevent florist friars.

Your turn! Give us a good groaner pun, or finish this sentence: Bob was a funny as ____.
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24 comments:

  1. Love them all -- especially fond of anything groan worthy!

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  2. Your metaphors had me laughing so hard I actually shed a tear. For some reason, the first two just particularly tickled me. Great job!

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  3. Thanks for the laughs. I was giggling until, "It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall." Then I was literally laughing aloud. I found you as I am doing the blogfest too.

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  4. LOL! The comb-over one was AWFUL. Loved it! Heehee. :D

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  5. Okay, I almost snorted my egg just then. Really, you're killing me Laurel, LOL!

    Thanks for participating in the blogfest!

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  6. LOL! The bad metaphors were so hilariously good. Loved the tongue stapling to the wall. XD

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  7. Hello new here!

    "~Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever." is probably my all-time favorite!

    Thanks for the post!

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  8. Love groan worthy things. Some of those are priceless.

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  9. I love that Friar joke! So silly.

    And I'm a new follower, here for the fest.

    Nice ta meet ya!

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  10. Liked the jokes a lot. Enjoyed reading them.

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  11. "It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before."

    *laughing* *crying* *needs oxygen* *dies*

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  12. I almost spit out my tea; lol Enjoyed these~

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  13. LOL! For real, I did. Thanks, Laurel!

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  14. I love the first one! That's my kind of simile. Like, whatever.

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  15. Thanks so much, everyone, and welcome new followers! I'm trying to get around to visit the other participants, so I hope you don't mind the blanket reply.

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  16. Oh my, the cucumber, roadkill and bulimia had me choking on my coffee. lol

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  17. Hi Laurel, thanks for the lovely comment and great post! :)

    ~Melissa

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  18. Ha! thanks for the laughs! christy

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  19. Hahaha!!!! These were hilarious, and different from the ones I've read so far so they were a nice change. Thanks for sharing!

    ~TRA

    http://xtheredangelx.blogspot.com

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  20. BAH!!! OK, first the one-liners were great. The bulimic? *cringe*

    But only Hugh can prevent florist friars... LOL!!! :D

    Thanks for playing!!!

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  21. btw, I totally, completely, and seriously adore leaves. Your header is awesome!!!!!

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  22. ha ha, I love the moldy cucumber and florist friars :)

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