Thursday, June 23

Posted by Laurel Garver on Thursday, June 23, 2011 10 comments
by Renaliss Divine, Gryffindor

It’s no secret that things have been a tad willy-nilly throughout Hogwarts castle of late. Students are painfully aware of the headmaster’s absence. Even the teachers are having trouble keeping events close to the vest. But this reporter has witnessed firsthand encounters that cannot be dismissed or ignored.

The once loyal and faithful creatures we have relied upon to keep the castle’s day-to-day tasks running smoothly appear to have gone mental. Luxuries that students and teachers alike have grown accustomed to have been thrown into disarray. What game they are playing at remains to be seen.

Of one thing we can all be certain…the house elves are hereby out of control.

Since the inception of Hogwarts, house elves have lived comfortably within its walls and have been happy to go about the usual business of their station. That is no longer the case. And who is their would-be target, you ask?

First years.

Yes…as if the task of being a first-year witch of wizard were not daunting enough, they have now become the brunt of seemingly unending pranks, though others are inevitably affected as well.

The accounts seemed innocent enough at first. First years were locked out of Gryffindor tower when the Fat Lady insisted that the pass code had changed. Then the stairways continued to move, trapping a group of Ravenclaw girls, who fell into fits of hysteria. Professor Sprout herself was overheard telling another teacher about unspeakable rashes breaking out among her first-year Hufflepuffs after a routine Herbology lesson. No one knows when her classes will resume.

The most eye-opening accounts surfaced when this reporter herself witnessed the elves, who are normally quite evasive, hexing food and placing enchantments on personal items. Events became even more dicey when the girls’ lavatory exploded, flooding an upper corridor and drenching a group of first-year Slytherins. Teachers were summoned immediately to help with the clean-up.

While humorous in nature, these pranks are clearly uncharacteristic of these fair, gentle creatures. So the question is obvious…what could be possessing the elves to act this way? And who has the power to override our dear headmaster? You can rest assured that this reporter intends to find out. Stay tuned.

Renaliss Divine is a sixth year Griffyndor who enjoys concocting new potions that can cure any hair or skin ailment. She is a slave to fashion, especially when tweaking up a plain old uniform. (If you need to borrow shoes, girls...this is your witch!) She blogs as her alter ego, Renae Mercado, at

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

See all the back issues at our archive site:

Who do you think is making the Hogwarts house elves behave so badly?


  1. Oooh, maybe Hermione's finally gotten some recruits for SPEW and they're inciting the elves to commit these pranks!

  2. Those jokesters! Can't wait to learn what's a the bottom of this rash of pranks. I myself got soaked by that toilet explosion. Not a pretty sight. ;)

  3. I have no idea what's causing it, but this is awesome!

  4. Renae.....

    What a fun post... The house elves are a perfect subject and now they're running amuck... What will those poor first year students do?

  5. I have to get my son reading these entries, he'll love them. He's in Wizarding Camp this week, can you believe that? They sorted him into Hufflepuff. He's okay with that, but he knows deep in his heart he's actually Ravenclaw.

    Another brilliant post!

  6. Deniz: Interesting theory. I was honestly expecting a house elf uprising in Deathly Hallows, and kinda sad when it didn't happen.

    Janet: So sorry. *passes fluffy towel*

    Matthew: I take it you're also a frequent customer of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. LOL.

  7. Michael: Ah, now maybe there's a companion story for are the first-years coping with this house elf mayhem?

    Lydia: My daughter would LOVE wizarding camp! I'd heard of the group running it, but couldn't get any specifics about the Philly area one. The archive site I linked has all the pieces in one easy location. Enjoy!

  8. Fun post. Not sure why the elves are acting badly. But perhaps because they aren't really treated that well. Maybe Heriomine is organizing them.

  9. Greetings from Southern California

    I added myself to follow your blog. I invite you to visit TOGB and become a follower.

    Have a Nice Day :-)

  10. Natalie: The Hermione conspiracy theory is an interesting one.

    TOG: Thanks for the follow and welcome!