Discovery: Mer-mating

By Runcel P. Yomeh, Hogwarts alum

HOGSMEDE, INVERNESS--The merpeople in Hogwarts lake have always been a point of extreme curiosity to the wizarding world. They are a notoriously secretive society, but this exclusive peek into their watery world was not at all a challenge to your top Magical Creatures Investigator. Gryffidor alumna Runcel P. Yomeh is pleased to present details in the formerly unknown mating ritual of the merpeople.

Most beings find love through physical attraction or mental connection. Not the mermaids—they seek it through violence. From the time they are able to hold a weapon, merpeople are trained in combat. Often mistaken as blood-thirsty and terrifying, merpeople can be very placid when no outsiders are around. But when a relationship is on the line, they must show no weakness. Love is found through hand-to-scaly hand combat.

It flares during mating season in early summer, when the waters begin to heat up. Females get a crazed look, like they ate too much gurdyroot. They flash the reflective underside of their tails to attract an audience. Males can't help but be drawn to this display—-you can see the attraction connection in their slimy eyes. Once the female picks a worthy looking male out of the crowd, she grabs a spear, and the battle is on.

Males have no choice but fight for love, or die unworthy of it. They must defend themselves but not kill the female in the process; hold their own but not get killed themselves. It's a tricky balance that isn't always accomplished.

This reporter, through top secret witchy ways, got a firsthand look at the mating battle between one young female and her desired male.

The young male fought valiantly, not a scratch on him (she was a lovely match, after all), until the very end when his new mate pinned him to the mushy lake floor with her spear tip. But fret not, dear readers, this is how every successful mating battle ends. The male pinned to something by something sharp. (Though it's polite to avoid the heart or head if it's a win!)

There was a short, impromptu celebration for the couple immediately following the battle. The two then retreated to more private quarters to seal the deal.

Merpeople mate for life, much like hinkypunks. The new couple looked totally at ease with one another. But my investigation of the merpeople’s mating ritual was cut short. The giant octopus was not fooled by my disguise and I had to high-fin it out of there.

Next time, buckle up for the flight patterns of Hippogriffs vs. Thestrals. Who is really the king of the sky? The answer will stupefy!

Runcel P. Yomeh, alumna of Gryffidor house, holds a degree in Magical Creature Studies and prefers the quiet, stealthy life of investigating the unknown. She blogs as her alter ego, Colene Murphy, at The Journey.

Thestral Gazette is an unofficial publication for students of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Founded by Luna Lovegood and Colin Creevy, the tabloid continues its fine tradition of yellow journalism under the editorship of Laurel Garver and a large staff of student reporters. To join the reporting staff, contact us at thestralgazette (at) gmail (dot) com.

Back issues of the Thestral Gazette:
Issue 1: Mrs. Norris's secret identity revealed
Issue 2: Being bullied? Weasel your way out.
Issue 3: Viktor Krum Reunites with Former Girlfriend
Issue 4: Umbridge Unmasked
Issue 5: Ask Abby Gabby: Advice for Wizards and Witches
Issue 6: Cauldron Chatter

Which magical creatures would you like Ms. Yomeh to investigate next?

Categories: Harry Potter, just for fun, Thestral Gazette